Andrea Manokian never expected to leave Los Angeles, the city where she was born and raised and where her family, childhood friends, and favorite local spots remain. But when she fell in love with a man who had spent much of his life in Santa Barbara, she decided to make the move. Now, four years after moving from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara, she is still working to establish a sense of belonging in the coastal city.
Santa Barbara offered clear attractions: it was still in California, it had her partner, and it provided accessible beaches, walkable pathways, and scenic views. Yet the transition has been more challenging than she anticipated, particularly when it comes to building a community and adjusting to a different pace of life.
The difficulty of making new friends in your 20s
In Los Angeles, Manokian was surrounded by people at various stages of life. Friends she had known for years were nearby, and through them she met others. That web of connections disappeared when she moved. In Santa Barbara, she found herself mostly around her partner’s childhood friends, college students, and retired neighbors.
She noticed that many locals seemed to belong to established social circles. Some had never left Santa Barbara, while others had moved away for college and then returned. For Manokian, making friends in her 20s proved difficult, partly because people her age were often on very different paths.
She tried the Bumble BFF app and made a few connections, but none felt organic or lasting. Many people she met did not plan to stay in Santa Barbara, viewing it as a temporary stop or a day-trip destination rather than a place to settle down.
Coastal pastimes and a different rhythm
Although she did not leave California, the move sometimes felt like a relocation to another state. Driving from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles is a commitment of several hours, making frequent trips home impractical.
Growing up in an inland part of California, Manokian had viewed beach visits as a weekend treat, often requiring hours in traffic. Grabbing a latte and going to the mall was a normal pastime. In Santa Barbara, the nearest mall is about an hour’s drive away, and she found that not having an outdoorsy hobby beyond walking on the beach made her feel more like a transplant than a local.
She was not surprised that many people in Santa Barbara enjoy surfing and beach volleyball, but she was struck by how popular pickleball is there. While she is open to learning, she describes herself as not athletically gifted, and many of these activities require a group. That has added to her difficulty in finding even a couple of people she feels comfortable with. She still remembers feeling like an outsider when she declined an invitation to a pickleball birthday party for a woman she had just met on Bumble BFF, not wanting to detract from the celebration by needing to be taught the sport.
A lost sense of cultural identity
In Los Angeles, Manokian spent much of her time in Glendale, a city known for its large Armenian diaspora. As an American-Armenian, she frequently enjoyed cultural foods, visited Armenian markets, and spoke her native language comfortably with those around her. She did not realize how deeply rooted her cultural identity was until she moved away.
The realization came one day when she no longer had access to her favorite cultural hubs. She still finds herself calling relatives as an excuse to practice the language she grew up with.
Finding a way forward
Four years in, Manokian says the first two were the most difficult. Over time, she has found ways to make the most of living in Santa Barbara. She began volunteering with organizations including the American Red Cross, The Dream Foundation, and ENGin. The work has been healing and has made her feel silly for dwelling on minor inconveniences.
She also started writing for a local magazine, which gave her the chance to meet talented artists, designers, and business owners she otherwise would not have encountered.
Along the way, she has become comfortable with being alone. She now dines alone with a book, visits museums by herself, and goes to movies solo.
Although she has not yet found her tribe, she has found a loving partner and a city rich in coastal beauty, creative energy, and slow living. For now, she continues to show up for her new community and hopes the right people will find her at the right time.
