Before their son was born, Renate Flanagan and her husband had already sketched out the kind of childhood they hoped to give him. They wanted him to grow up bilingual, speaking English and Dutch, and they preferred real European castles to theme-park versions. They also agreed on one firm rule: delay screens for as long as possible. Today, their almost 3-year-old is growing up as a screen-free toddler in most respects, and while they have stuck to their plan, Flanagan admits that the choice occasionally stirs a pang of envy toward families who let their kids use phones and tablets.
The family’s approach is not absolutist. Video calls with grandparents are allowed. The boy can watch Dutch-language educational or news programs, or a cooking show, alongside his parents. During the World Cup and the Olympics, the family made temporary exceptions. Adult programming, however, tends to lose his attention within minutes, and he soon returns to his toys.
The Restaurant Test
Flanagan describes her son as a perpetual motion machine. He began crawling at 6 months and walking at a year, and since then he rarely stays still except when asleep. At home, his energy is manageable. At restaurants, it becomes a logistical challenge. Some meals he will stay seated from start to finish, but more often his parents take turns walking him around the dining room. There have been dinners when the couple never sat down together at all.
Across the room, they often notice other families whose children sit quietly, their eyes fixed on a glowing phone or tablet while the adults enjoy an uninterrupted meal. Flanagan does not judge those parents; she wonders what that kind of peaceful dinner would feel like. But she worries that handing her son a device as a distraction would create a one-way door, leading to constant requests for it afterward.
When Day Care Closes Unexpectedly
The temptation to park him in front of cartoons is strongest when day care shuts down without warning. Last winter, a snowstorm kept roads and sidewalks blocked for several days, and the boy’s school was closed. Both parents have the flexibility to work from home, but they quickly discovered that working with a toddler in the house is close to impossible. He demanded their attention and could not entertain himself for more than 10 to 15 minutes. They tried passing him back and forth, but neither made progress on work, and the boy grew frustrated by their divided attention and the lack of stimulation he was used to at day care. In the end, they took alternating days off to cover the childcare gap.
The Unexpected Rewards
Life with an active toddler leaves little room for relaxation, but Flanagan credits her son’s outgoing nature, which she partly attributes to his engagement with the world rather than a screen, for a series of memorable encounters. The family has been invited to meet the chef at their favorite French restaurant. At their regular sushi spot, the waitresses dote on him and prepare orange slices just for him. Once, her son waved at a police officer, who let him sit in the driver’s seat and play with the sirens. A firefighter at the local station has become a friend and lets the boy climb into the fire engine and work the lights.
Those moments are why Flanagan and her husband keep resisting the easy distraction of technology. They recognize that screens would sometimes make parenting simpler, but they treasure watching their son connect with the people and places around him. Even when the alternative looks tempting, they would not trade that engagement for a quiet table or an uninterrupted workday.